Adventures with Ma and Pa Kettle

"I hate them!" says Pa Kettle, his face distorting into a grimace waving his hands at me at the kitchen door.  He was referring to artists such as Picasso and Munch.  "Anyone can paint like them - they are all nutters..."

This tirade completely took me by surprise as I walked in the door of my temporary home in London.  I hadn't even set my bag down or taken my coat off.  Pa Kettle had asked how my day had gone and I told him my visit to Sotheby's had been worth the trip into town.  It was amazing to see paintings like The Scream, rumoured to sell for  over $80M and double that according to my friend who works there.  The visit had been a respite from my daily concerns of looking for a job and wondering whether to stay in London or bail.  Had it not been for my friend I would not have known that I could just walk in off the street and have a look.

Later, Ma Kettle apologised for Pa Kettle's outburst as she expertly stated that all these artists had been briliant drawers and as they matured into artists they each developed their own unique style.

Ma and Pa Kettle are a couple.  They kindly took me into their home, refusing any rent.  They also have a dog.  It's a big old thing, like a black and white curly sheep dog, apparently from the pound.  He is used to being fed in the kitchen and at the table.  As I eat, he sits up close to my chair waiting, eternally disappointed.  As I cook in the kitchen, I am constantly having to walk around him, careful not to trip with a pot of steaming food in my hand.

Ma and Pa Kettle mind another dog during the day on weekdays.  This one is a female and old - another one from the pound.  According to Ma Kettle, she "revenge pisses" (English translation of her words in Japanese).  She doesn't like being left alone and she will pee wherever to get back at you.  For three days, after Ma and Pa Kettle left on their holidays, I was the designated dog sitter.  I made sure she was next to me at all times.  She decided that my suitcase was a good place to lie down.  I piled the case high with cushions.

The two dogs can't be walked together, so Pa Kettle takes the sheep dog and Ma Kettle takes 'her majesty' around the block but in opposite directions.

Ma Kettle loves plants.  She must have close to 50 in the house.   She asked me if I could water them while they were away.  I told her it would be my pleasure.  A week before their departure, she told me what to do.  This one - every three days with normal water, the next one - once a week with filtered water, the orchids - once a fortnight with rain water, the one with the flowers - once every 3 days with cooled boiled water.  Close to 50... I took notes.

But could I make sense of my notes a week later when I had to water them?  Somehow I had failed to note down the type of water.  I remembered the rain water for the orchids but the rest was beyond me.  So they all got cooled boiled water just to be on the safe side.